Expectation Manager | Marriage Capsule

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Family
Faith
Values
Time together
Special dates
Faithfulness
Finances
Health
Conflict
Entertainment
Sex
Work
Household chores
Hobbies
Communication

Family

How much time is acceptable to spend with our parents?*

Every week

Every Month

Only holidays

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

Other

Write here

What role do we want our parents to play in our lives?*

Active role

Some involvement

No involvement

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

What will our responsibilities be towards our parents?*

Fully responsible

Some responsibility

No responsibility

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

When is a good time to start our own family?*

Immediately

Within 3 years

Between 4 – 7 years

More than 7 years

We don’t want kids

Not applicable

Other

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How many children do we want?*

As many as possible

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

Other

Write here

What form/s of discipline will be applied in our household?*

Choose all that apply.

Only dad to discipline

Only mom to discipline

Both parents to discipline

We will use positive forms of discipline

Not applicable

Other

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How will we raise our children?*

We will be very strict, there will be non-negotiable rules

There will be rules, but they will be negotiable

There won’t be strict boundaries, this will teach them responsibility

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

Other

Write here

Do you believe the following parties should play a part in bringing up our children?*

Choose all that apply

A nanny or/and night nurse (either full time or half time)

Daycare/preschool and aftercare Grandparents or other family members

None (we will exclusively raise them ourselves)

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

How do you feel about education?*

They will attend the best private schools and universities

A state school will be fine as long as the standard is high

We will home school our children

We are flexible and will discuss this when the time comes.

Not applicable

Other

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Faith

What role will faith play in our marriage?*

Important

Some importance

Not important

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

In which church do I see us as a family worshipping God?*

Your church

My church

New church

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Who will take the spiritual lead in our marriage?*

Husband

Wife

Both

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Values

Which values will govern our marriage? *

Choose all that apply

Respect

Love

Commitment

Faithfulness

Patience

Forgiveness

Honesty

Trust

Humility

Peace

We need time to talk about this

Other

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What will happen when our values are neglected?*

Choose all that apply

Respect

We will remind each other

We will forgive

We will recommit

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Time together

How will we spend our time together? *

Choose all that apply

Date night once a week

Date night once a month

Holidays together

Weekends together

Daily rituals

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much time away from each other is allowable?*

1-3 Days per month

4-6 Days per month

7-10 Days per month

More than 10 Days per month

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much time is acceptable alone with my friends?*

One evening a week

One evening a month

One weekend per month

Weekend every year

Weekend every 6 months

Every now and again

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Special dates

How will we spend special days like Christmas, Easter and New Year?*

Choose all that apply

Husband’s family

Wife’s family

By ourselves

With friends

We need time to talk about this

Other

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How will we spend our anniversaries? *

Choose all that apply

Special evening out

Wife’s family

Full day celebration

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Faithfulness

What do I mean by faithfulness?*

Choose all that apply

No exclusive opposite sex friendships

Communicate about work meetings with opposite sex

Communicate about social meetings with opposite sex

No need to communicate about this, we trust each other to make healthy decisions regarding friendships with the opposite sex

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Can ex’s still be part of our lives?*

Yes

On certain conditions

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How do we think about flirting?*

Innocent flirting is allowed (discuss your understanding of this)

No flirting whatsoever

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Finances

Will we have separate bank accounts or one account?*

One account

Separate accounts

Joint accounts as well as separate accounts

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Who will manage our budget?*

Husband

Wife

Both together

An objective professional

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much transparency should we have?*

100% open about income and spending

Fair but not 100% transparent

No transparency, handle finance privately

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How do we think about giving/tithing? *

Talk to your pastor if necessary

More than 10%

10%

Every now and again as our budget allows

Giving in other ways (such as time)

Giving to charities takes priority

Not for us

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Health

Will physical health and looks be important?*

Yes

Sometimes

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much money will we spend on physical exercising?*

Allocate a monthly budget

Spend as much as needed

No budget

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much time will we spend on physical exercise?*

Allocated time daily

3-4 times weekly

1-2 times weekly

Taking part in activities rather than formal exercise

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

What do we expect of each other's weight? *

Perfect shape

Round is a shape

Slightly overweight is ok

Overweight is ok

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

What do we expect of each other’s physical appearance?*

The other should be perfectly groomed

The other should look well after themselves to a certain extent

This is something that is none of my business

This stuff doesn’t matter to me

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Conflict

What behaviour is acceptable when conflict arises?*

Choose all that apply

Raise our voices to get rid of frustration

Giving each other the silent treatment

Interrupting each other to get points across

Let it go without sorting it out

Agree to take time out to calm down before we talk

If tired or hungry, sleep and eat before proceeding

Keep talking until we are on the same page

Remind each other of our shared vision

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Is “fighting” okay?*

Yes

Sometimes

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

What will the rules be when we “fight”? *

Choose all that apply

Understand why you feel upset

Discuss one issue at a time

No degrading language

Express your feelings with words

Take turns to talk

No stonewalling/silent treatment

No yelling

Take time out when things get too heated

Attempt to come to a compromise/understanding

Do not bring in previous baggage in new fights

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Entertainment

How can we relax and recuperate?*

Choose all that apply

Alone time

Time for just the two of us

Time with our kids

Time with our family

Time with friends

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

What would I like us to do when we relax? *

Choose all that apply

Read

Movies

Play on phone

Travel

Adventure

Socialise

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much money can we spend on pleasure?*

Allocate a monthly budget

Spend as much as needed

No budget

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How will we spend our holidays?*

Choose all that apply

Camping

Self-Catering

Nature

Seaside

Lake

Urban/City

Adrenaline adventures

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How often do we need to go on vacation?*

1x per year

2x per year

3x per year

4x per year

As often as possible

We need time to talk about this

Sex

What is unacceptable sexual behaviour?*

Choose all that apply

Withholding sex

Using sex as a negotiating tool

Using sex toys

Dirty talk

Role play

Sexy lingerie

Fantasies

Pornography

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How many times a week will we have sex during normal work weeks?*

Once a week

Twice a week

Three times a week

More than 3 times

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Is it ok to discuss sexual wants, desires, and needs with each other?*

Yes, it is a necessity

No, I don’t feel this is necessary

We need time to talk about this

What can we do to enjoy super sex? *

Choose all that apply

Share ideas with each other

See a sexologist

Read erotic literature

Experiment with new positions, ideas, techniques

Finding good sources of information on sex

Go to a sensual shop together

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Will it be okay to discuss our sex life with others?*

Yes

We need time to talk about this

Work

Will we both have to work and earn money?*

Yes

Yes until we raise our kids

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How many working hours is acceptable per week? *

20-30 hours

31-40 hours

41- 50 hours

51-60 hours

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Will “bringing work home” be acceptable?*

Yes

Once a week

On occasion, if necessary

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How will our professional lives change when we have children?*

We will both continue to work

Husband will work and wife will stay home with kids

Wife will work and husband will stay home with kids

We need time to talk about this

Not applicable

Other

Write here

Household chores

Who will do what in and around the house?

Buying groceries:*

Husband

Wife

Both

Cooking:*

Husband

Wife

Both

Cleaning:*

Husband

Wife

Both

Gardening:*

Husband

Wife

Both

Managing kids programme:*

Husband

Wife

Both

Not applicable

Do we need a domestic helper? Full time or part time? *

Yes full time

Yes half time

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Who will take responsibility for decorating the house?*

Choose all that apply

Husband

Wife

Professional decorator

We need time to talk about this

Hobbies

What hobbies will be mutually accepted?*

Sport

Craft

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much money will be acceptable to spend on hobbies?*

Allocate a monthly budget

Spend as much as needed

No Budget

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How much time will be acceptable to spend on hobbies?*

Some time every day

Few times a week

Weekends

As long as it doesn’t interfere with our family time

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Communication

How important is transparent communication for us?*

100% honesty

Honest but tactful

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

How can we create a good communication environment?*

Choose all that apply

Share things that happened throughout the day

Share dreams

Make time to talk about the news of the day

Share news from family and friends

We need time to talk about this

Other

Write here

Will we actively make time to communicate with each other*

No, it should be spontaneous

Yes, we need to schedule time

Which of the following topics should be part of our everyday conversation?*

Choose all that apply

Emotional talk (telling each other our feelings)

Sex talk (discussing our needs)

News and current topics

Discussing our interests

Reminiscing about the past

Discussing the future

Finances

Our childrens’ wellbeing

Chatting about the day

How often should we communicate throughout the day?*

Regularly, by telephone conversation

Texts or whatsapps a few times a day

Sending each other jokes or funny stories often throughout the day

Only when necessary

As we feel the need to

Not at all (we’ll talk at home)

We need time to talk about this

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