Bonus!

The four temperaments in sex

All temperaments can become great lovers! The key to this greatness is understanding each other better, appreciating the strengths and overcoming weaknesses with grace. Remember: love gives!  It helps so much when you understand why your partner acts in a certain why.  Once you know these things, you can cooperate with each other instead of clashing and trying to change the other.

*  Important Definition – Guardrail: The definition of a guardrail is a rail at the edge of something such as a road or a cliff that prevents vehicles or people from falling off and getting hurt. They are strategically placed for your safety. A personal guardrail is a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience. It’s the non-negotiables in your life, the red lights that say DANGER, STAY OUT. Put these up and adhere to them at all times to ensure that your relationship is safe.

Below you will find more information on how each temperament thinks/acts in the bedroom. Make sure that you take a look a both your and your partner’s main temperaments. 

*** These insights can ensure a great sex life! Study them carefully!

The different temperaments in the bedroom:

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Are they all equal?

No temperament is better than another! They are all equally strong and challenged.

Most people will find themselves to be a blend of two or even three temperaments. Unless you are extremely strong in one temperament, your second temperament will play a significant role in your behavior. It might offset some weaknesses or it can intensify them. One temperament will usually be more dominant than another but the ratio could be as close as a 60/40 combination. The intensity of a temperament will determine how much of that temperament traits you display. If your strengths are extremely strong, you are likely to have very strong weaknesses as well. It all comes down to balance.

Temperament combinations will enhance and/or offset strengths and weaknesses.

If you are, for example, an extroverted Ocean combined with an introverted Lake, these two temperaments will offset each other and your extrovert tendencies will be calmed. But when the extroverted Ocean combines with the extroverted Fountain, your volume settings can go way up! Some temperaments complement each other, while others blend and some are quite the opposite. You will find this not only in yourself but also in your partner. We all possess a toolbox of strengths that will help us grow stronger where we are weak, as individuals and as a couple.

Your profile results will tell you what your combinations are. The stronger you are in a temperament, the more you will identify with that specific temperament. Some characteristics might not seem applicable. Not everybody displays all the characteristics of a particular temperament. If you don’t believe it’s true, ask someone you trust if they see that characteristic in you. We often have blind spots in our lives. Things we don’t even realize we do but everyone else is aware of it. Be careful not to get hurt in the process of uncovering blind spots. It’s perfectly normal not to be 100% self-aware. LOFS will give you an opportunity to become an even better version of yourself.

The goal of identifying temperaments isn’t to label you or put you in a box. It helps you understand yourself and your partner better with the purpose of respecting, honoring, accepting and helping each other. Once we are able to pinpoint our strengths and weaknesses, we can live more confidently through our strengths and we can work on our weaknesses together.

A quick overview of LOFS:

What you will discover as you navigate through LOFS : 1) What are temperaments all about? 2) Is there an ideal temperament I need to have? 3) Uncover your own temperament: Are you an Ocean or a Lake, Snow or Fountain? 4) Get to know your partner’s temperament 5) Life at home with your Ocean, Lake, Snow, Fountain 6) How to cope with your differences & do life together 7) 5 rules to coping better with marriage stressors 8) Bonus: Your temperament & communication 9) Bonus: Can all temperaments be great lovers? Audio Layer Audio Layer

How do we do life together?

Now that you know your temperaments, you might understand why doing life together can be complicated. We are different and we normally believe we are right which must make the other person wrong! Dr Arnold Mol writes in his book ‘Let’s both win’ that we might get to a point where we ask ‘what’s the use?’ We keep trying to resolve the conflict but somehow we never succeed. Try and fail. Try and fail. Not resolving the situation will result in emotional withdrawal or physical withdrawal through a divorce. This, however, is not the answer. You are just swapping one set of strengths and shortcomings from another set of strengths and shortcomings.

The good news is there is a solution! There are two strategies (see below) and five basic rules (will be revealed later) that will enable you to cope with your differences.

1)  Take control of your life and change… 

• Or much better, allow God to take control of your life and change you. Commit to always keep growing and improving.

2) Respond differently to your partner…

• The real problem is not our partner’s behaviour, but how we react to the behaviour. Dr Mol says that as an Ocean, he always comes up with new ideas. This used to irritate his wife and she often accused him of ‘always wanting to be different’. She then decided to move from a negative reaction to a positive one and admire and appreciate him for his original thinking. She, being a Snow temperament, often spots potential problems with a new project. This used to irritate him but he now appreciates her critical analysis as this enables him to deliver a better project.

You have the power to decide how you want to react.

A marriage is a place where you don’t have to be all things. You can be you and borrow your partner’s strengths where you are weak. It’s like having an extra set of tools to get the job done. If you are by nature a pessimist but your partner is optimistic, lean on them to change your gloomy mood. If your partner is naturally easy going and you are more inclined to be stressed out, go sit with them and find your sense of calm. Much is said about teamwork in the world of sports. Every player has a role to play and together they make a winning combination. It’s the same with marriage. Be who you are and let your partner be who they are. Work together as a team and win the game!